Today, 3/19/11, the Moon comes closest to Earth in 18 years, and, as soon as it gets dark, I am heading across the street to the park to witness the most giant Moon of my life time.
To be sure, I’ve witnessed enormous moons in Catskills during summers of 2004 – 2006. The Moon was not anywhere near its perigee at that time, so I have no idea what has caused that phenomena.
The last time the Moon was at its perigee was in 1993 – the year my eldest nephew was born. He has conjunction of the Sun, the Moon, Venus and Mercury in Cancer. Since the Moon rules Cancer, he has got a truly powerful Moon in his chart!
He is a very bright young man. He aced through the best specialized public schools in NYC and now is studying in Hunter on full scholarship.
Everyone I’ve met with Sun / Moon conjuction in Cancer has impressed me with their powerful mind. When I was teaching at Manhattan Astrology School, I came across a few students with this combination. Without fail, they all were the brightest students of mine. They seemed to soak up my teachings so immediately and fully, as if they’ve read my mind and soak up my experience in addition to my spoken words.
Both, Cancer and Moon are ruled by water, which certainly adds psychic sensitivity to these people.
But Pisces, ruled by Neptune, is by far the most psychic of all zodiac signs. Yet my Pisces students and students with the Moon and / or ascendant in Pisces were much more ordinary. Also, regular Cancer students, or the students with the Moon or ascendant in Cancer did not impress me as much.
So it is the Sun/ Moon conjuction in Cancer that produces such agile minds.
In fact, people with Sun/ Moon conjunction in any sign tend to have a much greater IQ than average. Interestingly, many years ago, there was a lengthy article in one of the astrology magazines, where the author studied charts of members of some genius club in England. All members had to have 140+ IQ to be admitted.
The author produced 13 charts for that article, while studying Mercury positions there. What struck me though, that all of them contained Sun/ Moon conjunctions in various signs.
So to me, it is the Sun/ Moon conjunction that enhances our intellect, and, in my experience, this conjunction in Cancer trumps them all.
I should quickly add, that not having such conjunction does not lower your chances for brightness.
The mother of this nephew of mine has also been the brightest in my family for many years. She has no such conjuction, and her only planet in Cancer is Jupiter. Moreover, she was born in 1967 – an unremarkable year in terms of the Moon.
Now there is an even brighter person in our family: my other nephew, Anish Giri (born June 28, 1994), who is a chess prodigy. He met his final grandmaster norm at the age of 14 years, 7 months and 2 days when he beat Venezuelan GM Eduardo. He also became the youngest chess champion of Netherlands. On top of it, he is an excellent student and speaks 5 languages.
Yes, he is a Cancer, but with the Moon in Pisces. Like Cancer Sun/ Moon conjunction, this combination calls for extreme psychic impressionability, but it does not guarantee an exceptional IQ.
Interestingly, Vedic astrology favors full Moon charts when it comes to scoring higher intellect.
My own chart is such, and, although I never measured my IQ until a few years ago, I know that it must have been in 150+ range. I had photographic memory, was incredibly intuitive (my Moon is in Sagittarius – the sign of intuition) and managed to learn 4 years worth of middle and high-school physics in 3.5 days, scoring respectable B on the exam.
Unfortunately, the loss of almost all of my blood in 1998 robbed me of photographic memory, and then consistent lack of sleep for 3.5 yrs after giving birth to my son has taken another 20 points of my IQ. I am still bright enough to notice that I am not as smart as I used to be:)
But the point is, the Moon has a lot to do with how smart we are, much more so than Mercury – which represents the faculty of mind that is more akin to a computer. As we know, the most powerful computer would not be much of help to an idiot.
In traditional Western astrology, the quickness of the mind is measured by how fast the Moon was moving on the day of birth. Yet the Moon represents our feelings and emotions.
In Vedic astrology, the Moon represents the mind, period.
Yes, these 2 branches of astrology differ in much more ways than the what type of zodiac they use.
In Western astrology, the Moon invokes what we consider to be the soul: feelings, emotions, subconscious mind, while the Sun represents our self-identity (ego + super-ego). In Vedic, the Sun invokes the soul.
But those could be just cultural differences as in what the soul or mind/ consciousness mean to us.
What’s more interesting, that in Vedic astrology, the whole zodiac is dedicated to the Moon. Vedic astrology uses Siderial zodiac, which is based upon actual constellations of the ecliptic belt. These constellations are subdivided into 27 Moon mansions, and these 27 subdivisions represent the heart of Vedic astrology. Moreover, Vedic astrologers also like to read a chart from the position of the natal Moon.
This is so, perhaps, because emotional quotient of our lives is much more important to us then the events causing the emotions. In other words, we measure our lives not by how many breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
But it also could be that by ruling our subconscious mind, the Moon truly rules our lives.
I watch Bachelor from time to time, and I found this last season to be particularly fascinating for this reason. The Bachelor, Brad Womack, seriously fell for a single mom, who lost the father of her child to a plane crush 6 years ago. Even though she declared falling in love with Brad, she kept saying that the dead man IS the love of her life. She also admitted to sabotaging all her consequent relationships. Now we know she did the same to Brad.
I believe, consciously she may have been ready for a new man in her life. She said, she dreamt of a wedding, and she did go on The Bachelor despite being intensely private and reserved.
But subconsciously she does not want a relationship for a few reasons:
a) She is terrified of the pain of a possible heart-break (she is aware of that)
b) She is afraid to diminish the memories of her first love or even to cheat on them, perhaps, by replacing them by an actual relationship
I doubt she is aware of this second reason, but it is most likely the main reason why she sabotages her relationships.
There is possibly the 3rd reason:
c) Her great love for the dead man makes her special, and she is afraid to lose that “specialness”.
In other words, as much as she appears to be altogether, incredibly poised and coiffed, subconsciously she is a total mess, and without years of therapy, she is likely to remain single forever.
There was one scene in The Bachelor, that was especially telling to me:
Brad comes over and tries to declare his palpable love for her by saying that he is ready to be the real father to her daughter. But instead of accepting this declaration for what it was, she is grilling him on what does he know about being a father.
So no matter how she may want a relationship consciously, she is most likely to go without it for subconscious reasons.
In fact, every time we fail at something we consciously desire, we should take a good look at our subconscious needs.
As another example of subconsciousness being truly in charge of our lives, I may give you my observations of the homeless men I’ve got to know while volunteering for Coalition For The Homeless some years ago: they all thought badly of money. They called it “The devil’s issue”, “the evil”, “the plague”, etc. I realized then that they all were homeless not because of mental illness, alcoholism, or drug addiction most of them suffered from – as there are plenty of rich crazies, alcoholics and drug-addicts. These ones were poor because subconsciously they were afraid of money.
When we come out of the womb, we are already equipped with our subconscious mind, as oppose to all other mental faculties that take some time to develop.
That’s why the Moon in a natal chart is also associated with the mother (the first person we get to know), and with nurturing (the first activity we are exposed to). As we begin to grow, these psychological roots expand to include home, family, country and all we know we belong to. And all these psychological roots are ruled by the Moon.
Memories, both conscious and subconscious, are how our psychological roots grow, and, of course, the Moon rules our memories.
People like me, with Mercury in Cancer (the sign ruled by the Moon) are famous for our excellent memories.
I am, maybe, more so than others, since I remember 27 of my many past lives.
Of course, not all of these memories occurred to me naturally. While only 2 have appeared to me consciously unprompted, the rest came via deep meditation, past lives regressions, recapitulation and other techniques.
This brings me to what I think the Moon really represents: our astral bodies.
When we die, we leave only physical body behind. But our souls have other bodies: astral, casual, etc. When we re-incarnate, the astral body keeps the imprints of all our previous lives. Those memories don’t disappear. They are simply relegated to the subconscious realm, and so are relatively easy to be accessed.
But like the real Moon that is visible to us only when the Sun sets, we can see our subconsciousness when the conscious mind is temporarily shut off. This is called hypnosis. After all, as a certified hypnotherapist, I should know this. And as such, I’ve been privileged to glimpse the incredible subconscious realm.
There, our calendar age easily coexist with our babyhood, and feelings generated by a past life centuries ago are as strong as if time did not exist.
In fact, to our subconsciousness TIME DOES NOT EXIST. It only knows the present, and it cannot differentiate between events of a life long past and the present.
It is also easily malleable – just like a baby. Yet our conscious mind -the grown up in us, represented by the Sun astrologically – is powerless before it. As long anyway, as it does not venture into the vast darkness of the subconsciousness.
Until then, we may only think we know why we relate to the world the way we do. The true reasons – the memories, the feelings – are buried in the Moon’s realm.
There are many good reasons for why the luminaries, the Sun and the Moon, are given rulership to the day (conscioness / the Sun) and the night (subconsciousness / the Moon) of our being. If you were, say, a serial killer in a previous life, you would not want these memories to surface now. You might not be able to live with yourself in this life.
Each life is given to us as an opportunity to redeem ourselves, and each new identity we develop when reincarnating is, in a sense, a clean slate that allows us to start anew. While our subconsciousness keeps track of all our karmic debts, not knowing them consciously helps finding new solutions to old problems.
Interestingly, this all powerful satellite of ours, the Moon, has been slowly moving away from us. While this is totally unnoticeable in one life time, 100,000 years ago the Moon would have seem as huge at its apogee as it does now at its perigee. I can only imagine what the slow disappearance of the Moon may mean for humanity. Does it mean that in a million years from now, humans will remember all their past lives? Does it mean that our descendants then would no longer be slaves to the misconceptions of their subconsciousness? Would they lose emotions completely or simply be able to control them perfectly?
Are we going to lose the tides of the oceans and would our volcanoes go silent?
When eclipses disappear, would it mean that so would the reasons for these bad omens?
Talking about eclipses, I think I wrote The Meaning Of Solstice Eclipse too soon. Look what happened in Japan. Plus, we started THE THIRD WAR in the Middle East, and Republicans are using whatever power they have regained to kill our fledging economy completely.
Normally, such terrible powers emanate only from Solar eclipses, but this one was LUNAR. And with the Moon at its perigee, it now appears to be more sinister than ever. Not to mention, that it ties into the great grand cross of 2010, falling into 1st cardinal degree.
Perhaps, I’ve misread Mars as the trigger point of that Grand Cross. I am relatively new to mundane astrology, and so eclipses are hard for me to read yet. But, perhaps, the real trigger was this sinister lunar eclipse that fell on the darkest night of the year. Certainly, 2011 is shaping as the most unsettling year for humanity, and the solstice eclipse is the obvious harbinger of this swirling darkness all around. After all, the darkness is the realm of the Moon.
Posts Tagged ‘life’
THE MOON
Posted by Ella Moss on March 20, 2011
Posted in American economy, astrology, economy, education, enlightenment, FINANCES, global economy, politics, predictions, spirituality, Uncategorized | Tagged: Anish Giri, astral body, astrological predictions, astrology, astrology school, Brad Womack, Cancer, economy, global economy, Grand Cross, homeless, hypnosis, IQ, Japan, karmic debts, life, Lunar Mansions, middle east, mind, money, Moon, mother, night, Pisces, politics, power, predictions, relationships, republicans, school, soul, subconsciousness, The Bachelor, the Sun, Vedic astrology, war, worry | 5 Comments »
LIBERATION
Posted by Ella Moss on December 5, 2010
The buildings blocks of human life are not DNA (that is just software). The building blocks of our lives are concepts: the concept of oneself, the concept of surrounding reality; the concept of happiness, etc.
When our concepts are wrong, so is the life that we build for ourselves, and we end up unhappy.
We may mask our unhappiness with chocolate, sex, drugs and/ or shopping – buying a temporary fix of serotonin so we don’t notice our true emotional state.
But when we refuse to see that our concepts are wrong, we get sick. Chronic illnesses are the result of chronic unhappiness.
Since most of us barricade ourselves behind the wrong concepts, most of us end up ill, and so pharmaceutical and medical industries are the major industries of the modern world.
Most of our concepts are wrong, because most of us watch TV and read newspapers.
But it is not negative news that kills us, it is the advertisement.
We all are victims of relentless marketing, because advertisement slips in the suggestions to our subconsciousness on what concepts we should acquire.
The beloved American Dream is: a wife / husband + 2.5 kids + dog / cat in a spacious McMansion with formal dining room, family room on top of living room, more bedrooms and bathrooms then one can count; manicured front lawn and a large backyard with a swimming pool, 2+ cars garage; college education and successful careers.
The suburbs are full of such families, and most of them are uniquely unhappy.
I too had a concept of happiness similar to that, except that I hate suburbs and prefer to live in a city but would love a house in a country as well.
This dream fell apart 3 years ago when I found myself physically ill because I no longer could stomach my marriage. So we’ve separated.
In fact, my concept of happiness began to destruct 5 years ago, when my husband said, “Let’s make a girl you’ve always wanted”. It’s true: since I was a little girl, I always wanted to have 2 children: first, a boy, and then a girl.
When my son was born, I wanted to wait at least 5 years before another pregnancy as he was a difficult baby and I always favored a larger age separation between children.
The timing of my husband’s offer was perfect. Yet I felt physically nauseated at the thought and knew the minute he said it that I really don’t want another child.
I underlined “really”, because that is when I began to realize that my concept of happiness did not suit me in my reality.
My life got only tougher in 2007, when, 2 months after I separated from my husband, I lost my major client and The Great Financial Crisis walked into my door.
Three years later, I am a single mom working 60+ hours / wk and on the verge of losing $300/ month of my child support and the babysitter (who is my estranged husband), because his unemployment benefits are set to expire in January. The only job he may get at this point would only cover his rent and food, so he would not be able to spare a dollar for his son. Once working, he would also be unable to pick his son from school twice a week for guitar lessons and choir practice.
That means, life for my son and I is going to get so much tougher.
As I was contemplating this while doing my X-Mass shopping, suddenly my thoughts went into completely different direction:
I started thinking of what REALLY makes me happy, and here’s list:
1) Watching TV with my son, while laying next to him on the couch
2) Dancing with my friends at my annual New Year’s Eve party (the only time I get to dance lately)
3) Talking with my friends in the park, while we watch our kids play and enjoy the beauty of the park
4) doing yoga by the lake in the summer
And then I started thinking back, collecting the very best moments in my life in my memory:
1) I was about 13 y.o. in a summer camp, when I discovered laying in the boat watching the sky. The boat would lull softly under me to the swishing of light waves, and the ever changing beauty of the sky would engross me completely
2) I was about 14 y.o. when I looked out of the window and was caught by the beauty of the falling snow so much that I ran outside and was dancing in the night with the snowflakes
3) I was 17 y.o., laying in the sweetly smelling summer field and feeling THE ONENESS with the earth, the grass, the sky….
4) I was 19 y.o., homeless, living in someone’s basement when THE LIGHT came over me and I SAW AND SPOKE TO GOD.
5) I was in my early twenties, galloping on the naked horse up the hill, when I suddenly thought, “This moment makes the whole life worth living”
6) The same thought occurred to me when in 1993 I was skiing down a sunny slope on Mount Snow, the day after I witnessed the first WTC bombing and quit my job.
7) In 1997, in the jungles of Nepal, I have encountered such a breath-taking peacefulness and beauty that, as I was sliding in the canoe next to man-eating crocodiles sunning by the shore, I could almost pet them, while Himalayan picks were hovering in the distance and the yellow flowers all around me went so well with the blue shades of the sky and the mountains….
8) The kiss I shared with my husband when our son was born
9) The first time my son was skiing the green slope
10) My son singing Santa Lucia at a concert, and strangers screaming “Bravo”, because he sang so beautifully…
Please, don’t get me wrong. I had many, many wonderful moments in my life, and many exciting adventures.
Still, if I die today, these 10 moments would be the crown glory of my life.
Meanwhile, I am killing myself making a buck so I could spend it on some thing I am told would make me or my son happy, worrying about his education, because he would need a good job in order to have his McMansion, 2.5 kids, a wife and a pet.
And no time to watch the sky, dance with the snow flakes, smell the roses…..
I was rich, and I was poor, I had 2 husbands and 3 weddings, and many, many interesting happenings in my life, but only 10 moments of pure and absolute joyful happiness.
Interestingly, most of these moments came to me when I’ve liberated myself from some concept of happiness so I could be one with naked reality.
So I am not going to stress myself of what is going to come in January once my ex’ unemployment benefits run out. I am going “to smell the roses”, making a point of noticing the beauty of each day around me, snuggling next to my son every evening and NOTICING MY HAPPINESS, instead of struggling to fit a concept of happiness and cry about what’s missing from it or MAY GO MISSING.
In fact, it is our fears of not getting something or losing something that make us miserable and cheap away at happiness that is our true Divine nature and so is always there, if only we could take time to notice… Everything else is but a concept.
I am liberating myself from concepts and fears created by them – that’s my New Year resolution.
Posted in American economy, economy, education, enlightenment, personal finance, spirituality | Tagged: advertisement, American dream, economy, fears, financial crisis, God, HAPPINESS, health care, Himalaya, illness, jobs, liberation, life, Love, marriage, money, mother, New Year resolution, parenthood, real estate, recession, relationships, smelling the roses, spirituality, unemployment, worry, X-Mass, X-Mass shopping | 3 Comments »
REALITY CHECK
Posted by Ella Moss on September 24, 2010
Long long time ago, like maybe 30 years back, America used to have 2 political parties that had their country in mind when they were involved in sanely stately discussions.
But then suddenly media covering those discussions was branded LIBERAL, and this originally good word that stemmed from a synonym of freedom became a CURSE WORD.
So now anyone who is LIBERAL is BAD in America, that country of LIBERTY.
The mainstream media so does not want to be one-sided that it always brings two opposite views to discussion table. In order to make things interesting, the most contrasting views are picked, and anchors become referees of a new blood sport of politics.
In other words, the mainstream media no longer covers mainstream politics.
Then there is CONSERVATIVE media, that has dedicated several major TV channels, hundreds of radio talk shows and plenty of print media.
Have you heard of a liberal talk show? A democrat / left side of the isle talk show?
Of course not! LIBERAL, LEFT IS BAD – don’t you know?!
Ok, what about mainstream, that “middle of America” political view exposing media programming?
Yes, you can find that on Comedy Central, or some late-night comedy show. Because those few of us who are mainstream, “middle of America” sane people remaining in this blood-thirsty media-inspired rift of right and left have no other outlet to vent ourselves at all the political insanity around us except for poking fun.
No wonder no one is taking us seriously.
Well, until today, maybe, since Colbert was actually granted audience with congress (or vice versa) today, and hundreds of thousands of people are planning to attend Stewart’s rally in Washington.
Yes, comedians are now organizing rallies, since they are the only true representatives of sane people in the U.S. that speak for us.
Democrats don’t really represent us anymore since they turned into spineless push-overs. Republicans don’t really represent us, since all they really care about is power, and to that end they are ready to obstruct any bill presented by democrats no matter how reasonable or beneficial it might be. They only say “yes” to the right to bear arms (because democrats say “no”). They used to say “yes” to cutting taxes. But now they “no” to that too, because democrats propose that (I’m talking about the small business tax credit that is being stalled by them, and allowing the Bush tax cuts expire for dwindling middle class).
Now there is also TEA party. That party is straight from Alice in Wonder Land (remember the Mad Rabbit and his cohorts?).
I hope, Stewart at his rally would propose the creation of SANE PEOPLE PARTY. Because we are left with no representation.
Posted in American economy, economy, FINANCES, opinion, politics, Uncategorized | Tagged: Alice in Wonder Land, Colbert, comedy, conservative media, democrats, economy, liberal media, life, mad rabbit, media, money, Obama, rally, republicans, sanity, small business, Stewart, talk show, tax cuts, tea party, Washington | 2 Comments »
EAST VS WEST
Posted by Ella Moss on September 6, 2010
As I was growing up some 20-30 years past WWII in Leningrad (now St. Petersburg), its ghosts were all around. Kids from my neighborhood would still blow up grenades, and other old and unused ammunition we’d find in the ground, sometimes with deadly consequences. Everyone had family stories about the war, and every family has lost someone to that war. My very own grandma had to kill her second child, who was born during a bombing, when Leningrad was under siege. Everyone was starving then, she had no milk, and nothing to feed her baby with. So one day, as the baby lay down next to her, crying, she put pillow to his face. Then she sent my 10 yr old father to fetch people to help to bury his brother. She went to her grave still crying about that…
So I was growing up certain that humanity would never have another terrible war like this one.
Well, I’m no longer so certain of our maturity.
It appears, that during the last 50 years of the past century, 2 worlds were growing: the Western and Eastern (Muslim). Western world has been prospering and fostering tolerance and acceptance. Muslim world was getting riches too, but the great majority of it still lived in poverty, and it grew dark, intolerant, jealous and hateful. So these 2 worlds grew apart, and then, one day, the Muslim world attacked the Western world.
It was in 1993, and I just happened to be at the WTC shopping mall where I bought a skiing bag 15 minutes before the bombing, as I was planning to go skiing with my friends that Friday.
After seing all those wounded, and, perhaps, some dead, I quit my job that day, and went skiing, determined to enjoy my every moment on earth.
But because only 6 people died, and the WTC kept on standing, no one, including me, paid attention to the growing Muslim menace.
Sure, I’ve noticed that all wars around me seemed to be involving muslims, and I was wondering to myself – what is it about that religion that makes people so blood thirsty…
But then, in 1997, I happened to find myself in Pakistan, living for 4 days with a fundamental Muslim family.
This was a very good, happy family. The wife and the mother of 4 children was obviously adored, respected and cherished. The 3 girls, ages 10, 15 and 17, were well taken care of, studying in school and planning to go to college (they all wanted to be doctors). All 4 women in the family laughed a lot and easily – a good sign of happy people. It was their choice to cover themselves in black burka, when they were heading out. They could not go outside their home past 6 pm, if unaccompanied by a male relative, but even that somehow turned out to be a sign of being cherished and protected.
When I was comparing my free western life to theirs, I could feel a pang of jealousy: neither me nor any other western woman I knew were as cherished, revered and protected. But then it is another topic altogether.
I just wanted to say that I was enamored by Pakistani people I’ve encountered there: they were so open, so hospitable, so generous…
And then, 9/11 happened.
This time I was about 14 blocks away. But I could still see the II WTC falling in the cloud of yellowish white dust.
As I was walking home all the way to the Northern tip of Manhattan (no one could get a ride that day), I was hating all Muslims and Arabs like I never hated anyone before. My heart was churning blackness.
But at about 55th St., a car stopped by me and a guy asked me if I need a ride. I gladly accepted (I had another 130+ blocks to go).
My driver just happened to be a Pakistani. I immediately thanked God for this “coincidence”, as I knew it was a reminder not to hate the whole nation or religion.
Of course, when I got home, the Palestinian family who lived across the hall from me was having a party, ordering pizza, smoking and dancing right there in the hallway….
Still I was sad, when nice Afghani people closed their fast food joint across the street that day, and never re-opened, being afraid of us, people waiving American flags.
And that’s how the Great War of East and West really began in earnest. West has attacked 3 Eastern countries since then, and one was destroyed completely. But because that country was completely innocent of all attacks on the West, the West has destroyed its reputation and further damaged its already wounded economy.
But now the Muslims have decided to exploit the West’s famous tolerance and build a mosque 2 blocks away from the ghosts of the 2 towers they have destroyed.
Of course, these are not the same Muslims that destroyed the Towers. Those are dead. These other Muslims who want to build the mosque may very well be very nice people (like those who hosted me in Pakistan).
But now we know that we are at war. And I know that there are Muslims like my Palestinian neighbors who partied on 9/11. Those kind of Muslims would look at this mosque like their flag raised above the graves of the enemy. That would hurt. A lot.
And I don’t think that we, the Western world, would lose whatever is left of our tolerance (let’s face it, we don’t have much left – but that’s another topic), if we ask those Muslims angling for the mosque to build it 20+ blocks away.
Just, please, don’t keep reminding us at the grave of 3,000 people about those who murdered them one sunny beautiful day 9 years ago….
Posted in opinion, politics, Uncategorized | Tagged: 9/11, bombing, East, flag, grave, Iraq, life, mosque, Muslims, NYC, Pakistan, politics, the WTC, tolerance, war, West, worry, WWII, WWIII | 3 Comments »
GOING CRAZY IN JUNE
Posted by Ella Moss on April 20, 2010
I found this little poem of mine, written on 06/09/04 but still quite relevant, and decided to publish it as a tribute to the upcoming Poetry Cafe edition:
1.
It is only beginning of June,
But it feels like the end of the world
That is certainly coming up soon,
As the weather turns hot
And the souls turn cold.
My money is gone, and so is love
And everything else disappears…
But my heart has been so light –
I’ve lost everything, even fear.
Or, maybe, my body’s been shed
With the very last tear drop.
God has caught me in His blue net,
And I am slowly going up.
I am dancing and dancing with God –
After all, it’s the end of the world –
And my heart has been just so light:
It no longer has something to hold.
There are drops of the warm summer rain
Licking nakedness of my soul,
And I deem myself finally sane,
Flying into the sky’s blue hole.
2.
Wait, God, wait! Can’t You see, are You blind?
There is my little boy left behind!
I have not lost him just yet,
But he’s losing me fast, can’t you wait?!
I can bear my losses, not his
I can bear my crosses, not his
Can’t You hear him crying at all?
Let me fall back in June, let me fall!
3.
There are towers falling with me,
and spilled blood smells a lot like the oil,
And young boy in Iraq whispers scream,
His red life sipping into the soil,
His dark skin slowly turning white…
That’s my son, only older somehow…
Did I sent him into the fight?
Am I responsible now?
No, my son is a three-years-old,
Starving and all alone,
Licking an empty bowl
That’s been empty for so long…
I am lost. Are we in China?
Texas? Afghanistan? Uruguay?
I cannot help him. I switch TV channel,
Eat my potato chips and cry.
I’m sorry, my baby, we’ve fallen
To the very bottom of June,
And the rivers of prayers are swollen..
But the end of the world’s coming soon.
4.
I am walking my son to day care.
He is holding my hand so tight!
“When you need me, I’m always there” –
That’s what God has told me last night.
5.
At the bottom of June, I am dancing with God.
I am asking Him questions, ‘cause I am His child:
“Am I dying, my Lord, or just changing my skin?
On what day have You thought of the concept of sin?”
“My child, I am only the Maker of Dreams.
Each soul wakes up, when it actually screams.
Still, I am your closest friend,
‘cause I am always there.
Right now, I’m holding your hand,
As you’re walking me to the day care”
Posted in economy, enlightenment, poetry, politics, spirituality, Uncategorized | Tagged: crisis, God, hunger, Iraq, life, loss, Love, money, mother, prayer, recession, relationships, spirituality, the end of the world, war, women, WTC | 7 Comments »
ABOUT HAPPINESS
Posted by Ella Moss on June 1, 2009
I’ve been pondering lately about happiness. Every human being wants this elusive state of existence. A few get it, but only for a short time. The rest of our lives we spent waiting for it, working for it, chasing it…
Literal translation of the word “happiness” from Russian (my native language) into English means “bringing all parts together”. Happiness is so elusive a state because there are so many parts to it: physical well-being, material well-being, emotional well-being and spiritual well-being.
Having it all at once is truly rare. That is because we are complex beings, consisting of Spirit, ego (self, persona), and physical body. Satisfying all 3 is not easy, as often their needs are contradictory, or, at, least, they appear to be so.
I’d say, much in life that we take for granted as a fact is a mere appearance of such, while the true reality is missing from the view. It is as if we are looking at life through a rear view mirror. Some objects may be closer than they seem, and some we may miss entirely as there is a blind spot.
This rear-view mirror is our ego. It is an intricate magic mirror that is alive like everything else in the Universe, and it is colored with many unique qualities, characteristics and sensitivities it has been endowed since birth.
Yet, as our Spirit peers at it in order to gauge the Earthly reality, It forgets that the ego is just a reflection. Like Alice in Wonder Land, it steps into the mirrored reality and assumes that the reflected world is the real one.
But a mirror is a mirror is a mirror. What appears to be far, is actually near and vice versa sometimes. Right is left, and left is right. God appears beyond reach, while He is The Nearest. Many imagine Him as an unseen yet omniscient Big Brother or an Administrator, whose favor we must earn. Some don’t feel worthy of His favor and don’t even bother asking. Some deny His existence altogether.
Yet God is the key ingredient of our happiness. Spiritual well-being is not possible without Him, because He is the Spirit. Denying God, or, at least, His Presence, is denying our own true nature.
Yes, I am blessed knowing Him (or Her – it’s the same), that is why I feel competent writing about Him. Long ago, when I was a 13 y.o. unhappy young girl looking for a meaning of life, God came into my life through series of revelations and never left. Or, rather, I’ve spotted Him in the rear-view mirror and never took my eyes off Him.
I still remember how the world felt without His Presence: it was a lonely, unkind, cold place, full of lonely scared people. My Spirit, like theirs, looked at the magic mirror of the Ego and did not see Itself. It saw existence which was virtually pointless, as it’s true nature was missing from the view. The Ego saw itself totally disconnected from the rest of the world. It was tiny and insignificant, helpless and terrified – like a 3 y.o. who was suddenly orphaned.
Many spiritual books we read say that we should deny our Ego (the little self) in order to achieve the spiritual well-being.
But our magic mirror is alive and it is a part of us on the Earthly plane. So, if we deny it, we deny any possibility of happiness to ourselves just as much as when we forget the Spirit, while staring into it without seeing.
So we should comfort our Ego as well. We cannot truly be whole, if we deny any part of ourselves. We cannot truly express our nature, which is LOVE, if we don’t love ourselves. If you saw a 3 y.o lost, hungry, cold, scared and crying, would not you take care of that child? That is what you should do for yourself too: comfort yourself. You are the Spirit first. As such, you are part of God. As part of God, you are The Mother and Father to all creation, including your Ego (your persona, that has a gender, name and various other characteristics).
On the other hand, if a 3 y.o. is not satisfied with a scoop of ice-cream, a toy, and a new jacket you gave him, but, instead, drops on the floor, screaming and crying, because he wants all the ice-cream in the store, all the toys in the store, and a fur-coat off another child’s back, would you give in to his demands?
No? But many of us work hard for a second house, a third car, a tenth pair of pants, etc..
In fact, the books like “The Secret”, “The Power of Attraction”, etc. that promise prosperity to all who reads them are flying off the shelves.
Then, of course, there are some of us who practice “tough love”. Such people would leave that screaming brat on the floor and just leave for some ascetic Spartan existence off the electric grid. That works too: their Ego sobers up as quickly as any 3 y.o. would and starts dreaming instead of such simple pleasures as taking a bath once in a while.
I, personally, believe in balanced mothering: I tell my Ego, “I love you, darling, but I don’t want you to get sick from eating so much ice-cream. Not to mention, that you would become too fat to get into a nice little life I have created just for you.”
You would be surprised by how well Ego listens if you talk to it lovingly but firmly.
As a young child, I lived in an orphanage, because my parents were too busy divorcing each other. There was no one to parent me but me.
When I was 5 y.o., I did something I was strictly forbidden to do: I hid behind the large book-shelves standing by the wall. I did not know that the book-shelves were hiding steaming-hot radiators. I touched a radiator with the back of my hand and burned it immediately. In pain, I looked at my hand and saw the skin popping up like little red balloons.
I could not scream in fear of being punished, so instead I told myself firmly: “The pain should go away now and the skin must return back to normal.” And it did. Immediately.
Of course, if I knew it was the 2nd degree burn, and all its serious consequences, it would not have worked so well. That is why now I have much harder time curing myself: my Ego is much more educated now.
But it still listens to me, as it trusts my parenting. I am a kind, loving parent to myself. Sometimes, I can even be indulgent. But I know where to draw the line. Most importantly, I know how to talk to my self.
For example, I never say, “This person/ situation annoys me”. Instead, I say, “I am annoyed at this person / situation.” That is because I have no control over another person. I can only control myself. So if I am annoyed to the point that my Divine nature gets obscured in the magic mirror of the Ego, I can stop being annoyed. I know my Ego has other qualities besides annoyance. So why should I live in a raffled reality? I can tell my self to be patient instead. And I reward my self for consequent patience by focusing on something pleasant. For example, if I get annoyed at my 8 y.o. son and summon patience instead of annoyance, I reward my self by concentrating on how pleasant it is hugging my son. Immediately, all I feel is calm, joy, and whole a lot of love.
Of course, like everyone, I can be overcome with anger. My Ego may feel belittled or threatened, and it may take a while for my Spirit to gain control back. But I always know I will. Because I keep reminding my self that no one has such control over me that he/ she can make me angry. I am the one who got anger, and I am the one who can get rid off it.
Of course, if I consistently get angry at the same person, I should do my best to avoid that person as much as possible. Why should I destroy my body by consistently filling it with such strong negative emotions? I’d rather make that person much less visible in the rear-view mirror of my reality.
I also don’t think that it is beneath me to ask for help when I am overcome with negativity. God is the Parent of me the Spirit, and I know He is always there to help
like any good parent (and He is the best). Forgiveness is such a good antidote to anger, that I always ask for more. In reality, the way I see it, forgiveness is one of the important ingredients for emotional well-being.
Another important ingredient is kindness. The existence on the Earthly plane is not an easy one. So everyone here deserves kindness: rich and poor, villains and victims, for there is no one without a serious challenge to overcome. As the preacher in my church once said, “Kindness and kindred have the same root”. We all are kindred spirits in the mirrored wonder land. In the true reality of Spirit (remember that all you see is but a reflection in your Ego’s eyes), Giving is Receiving and vice versa. Because when we give without strings attached, just because we want to, we are enriched by the sense of well-being so much more than the person on the receiving end. In other words, when we give freely, we feed the Spirit; when we receive, we feed the Ego. Blessed be those who receive, for they give pleasure of kindness to others at their own expense.
How is that, you may ask, that the Mother Theresa, who dedicated herself to kindness was so perpetually depressed according to her diaries, if giving is supposed to make one feel good? Well, according to her diaries, she was not giving from her heart out of pure desire to help out. The string that she attached to her kindness was the reward of God’s presence. In her mind, she stroke a bargain: she would serve God as He asked, and he would extricate her from loneliness by His sweet presence. But God does not bargain, and when we are kind out of sense of duty, giving becomes a chore.
Those who are truly kind live in a kinder Universe, because the world we see is the reflection in the magic mirror of the Ego. So when we are truly kind, our kindness is reflected back to us through kindness of others to ourselves. The trick is not to expect that kindness back. If you don’t feel like giving –don’t!
One should be kind to the Ego too. Sometimes, when you REALLY like that blouse in a store window, you should give your self the pleasure of wearing it, even if you have to buy it with your rent money.
In fact, when you do so, while putting your rent-payment worries aside for a moment, you show your self that you trust the Universe enough to take care of your necessities.
Since the Ego is just a mirror (albeit the magic one), suddenly you would see a kinder Universe. For instance, you may scratch a lottery ticket and win for the first time, or IRS may discover that it owes you money – just enough to cover your rent. So enjoy that blouse!
Just don’t go overboard. Those Egos that are spoiled rotten can create a real mess out of your life. Treat your self as another child of yours. Every child needs and deserves love, care and discipline.
This brings me to another ingredient for happiness: loving one another. How does that relate to happiness?
Well, anyone who loves his child would tell you: there is no greater happiness. That is because we love our kids with no strings attached. When we make them happy, our hearts light up no less than theirs. Since they are born, we take care of their needs and do so freely. We truly don’t expect the same of them (could a baby bring you a glass of warm milk when you feel under the weather?). We celebrate the smallest of their achievements (she said her first word!!! / he actually grabbed a toy!!! he skied down the green slope on his own!!!) with more pride and joy that we could possibly do our own.
Imagine loving someone else (not your child) in the same way. That someone else would make you just as happy.
Unfortunately, that is a tall order. We don’t even love our dearest friends that much, because we expect something in return. Our Egos are babies that we carry inside, and they are so worried that there would be no one to care for them when they need to, because God is not reflected by their mirrors. He is obscured by the blind spot.
So we should remind our selves on daily basis, that we are His creations, and, if we manage to love our creations (our children, art projects, businesses, etc.) so much, imagine how much greater His love is for us!
So we may stop littering the Universe with our fears and worries, anger and resentment, which are invariably get reflected back to us via the mirrors of selves as bad situations, illnesses, pollution, global warming, economic collapses. We have to take a leap of faith and trust the unseen God to take care of us. We are not lost. God is always here, and we are so dear to Him. Every normal mother runs to her baby when he screams for her. Scream for God, and He would appear in your mirror. Then grab on to Him and don’t let go. Then your magic mirror would reflect you in God’s arms and nothing would be all that scary any more.
When you are no longer scared, it is so much easier to be kind and give from your heart. When you discover your kindness, the Universe reflects it back giving you even more joy. Little by little, you begin to realize how beautiful and precious this life is. It is no longer a scary lonely place. Happiness begins to be reflected everywhere, and it becomes easier and easier to catch its glimpse.
One just needs to adjust the focus of the Ego’s magic mirror. The problem is, the Spirit (the Divine part of ourselves) knows only immediate present, while the Ego can typically see only the past or the future. That’s why God falls into its blind spot – God is always present in the most immediate way! But we can train the Ego to focus on the present. We can stop for a second and really smell the flowers, experiencing them as fully as possible.
We can snuggle next to our loved one and enjoy that feeling of closeness if just for a second without any comments inside the head.
When we focus on the future, we invariably worry. Worries cloud the mirror, and all we begin to see is monsters.
Do we really need goals? Our lives go by while we strive to achieve them. When we finally do, we rarely enjoy the moment anyway, since the magic mirror of the Ego is already showing us the next one. In a sense, we spend our lives striving for something instead of living them. At the end, death evens all out anyway. As I keep telling my son:
“Winning is far from being everything. Unless you enjoy the process, winning is worthless.” In short, you’ve got to enjoy what you do when you are doing it. That is another crucial ingredient for happiness.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: emotional well-being, God, life, Love, material well-being, money, mother, physical well-being, spiritual well-being, worry | 5 Comments »
2 MORE LIGHTS
Posted by Ella Moss on April 20, 2009
1.
She was down on her luck:
Her husband left, she was laid off.
Then a marshal came and saw her off.
She put her possessions in a plastic bag,
And holding onto her son’s little hand,
She walked off to the world’s farthest end.
And there she found a place to laid down,
At the very edge of the town.
She gave her son potato chips
(That’s all she could afford).
Then she dag into her bag and got out her coat.
She placed it on the ground
(Thank God, no one was around),
And made a pillow out of the bag.
“Tonight we are sleeping on this magic rug”,
She said to her child and snuggled up next to him.
And the breeze went quiet,
And the street light dimmed.
She sang to her child a lullaby:
“Shash, little baby, don’t you cry
Jesus Christ loves you and so do I”
Breathing in the sweet smell of his hair.
With her heart filled with love to the brim,
She thought, “Nothing better can be out there”
And, thank God, it is totally free!…”
2.
She looked at the stars: they were many and bright,
And she hugged her child so tender yet tight,
As the coat lift them up to the sky.
There an angel stopped by
The coat and gave them the sweetest of smiles.
He knew them by name and they talked for a while.
Then he said, hugging the child:
“These stars that you see are reflections of lights
That reside within each human heart.
By kindness of others they’re kindled this bright.
That is where Divinity starts.
What you see is the very image of God -
Every human’s inherited right.
When kindness lights up one person’s heart,
Everyone gets a little more light.”
And He added, while sending back
to the ground her magic rug:
“What you think of yourself being down on luck
is really you giving someone a chance
to brighten his heart with kindness for once”.
3.
Startled and suddenly cold, she woke up
and saw a man standing by the bus stop.
Let this story be truthfully told,
he was old, decrepit, short, fat and bald.
Their eyes’ve met, and he said with a laugh:
“Were you waiting here all night for the bus?”
“No. This is my place”.
“That must be tough.
Your hubby should get you a roof that lasts”,
And he laughed some more, enjoying his own joke.
“My husband left”, she said, folding her rug.
And they went quiet, both taken back
To the time when their hearts broke.
His was many a year ago,
When he and his wife fought for months in a row.
Then he left her and his son,
taking off after the setting Sun.
Since life was easier with feelings gone,
he never needed again anyone,
and that worked out just fine.
But now, as he looked at her boy, golden hair and all,
he thought of his kid and felt a jolt.
So he surprised himself with the following words:
“Come along. I need help with my pizza place.
And for that I would give you the room and board.
So what do you say?”
She said, “Yes”.
4.
And that is how it came to be that she got a job and a place to stay.
And that is how it is to this day.
She waits on his tables, she cooks and cleans.
She is always smiling. He always looks mean.
But he pays her cash and buys her son toys,
And seeing them smile makes his heart leap with joy.
5.
Then one day he got very sick
And spent in a hospital more than a week.
When he came out, he told her, “I’m old.
I can measure the rest of my life in days.
I’ve got to put my affairs in order.
Please, look after my place,
While I’m gone.
I’ve got to find my son.”
And that’s what he did.
He saw his son
From across the street,
while sitting in the van,
Then through a hole in the fence,
Then through a window at night.
His son was a handsome man,
Tall, with hair wavy and light.
He had a wife and 2 young kids.
He liked cars and had a tooth for sweets.
And, as he saw his son through a window at night,
Putting his kids to bed,
Kissing them on the forehead,
The old man cried.
Then he turned around and was walking back to his van.
That is when he heard the voice of his son:
“Hey! What’s up with you, man?!
You’ve been stalking me all day long!”
“I’m sorry”, his dad said, “I was wrong.
I was wrong leaving you and your mom
To fend for yourselves.
I was numb.
I was numb all these years.
I have wasted my life on money and stuff.
But I’m glad you’re making alright with your life
Right from the start.
Remember, my son, to be kind to your wife,
For kindness keeps the joy in your heart.
It makes men feel better than many a dollar.
Sometimes it requires of men real valor.
But that’s what it takes to become a man.
You can have no respect for yourself until then.
And I’m sorry I was not a man enough.
So you’d better take care of the kids and the wife.
Don’t worry about the stuff.”
And, swallowing tears,
he opened the van’s door.
“I’m sorry”, he repeated,
“that I could not be more…
That I was not more kind..”
And he disappeared
into the night.
His son went back to the house, scratching his head:
“What was that?!…Was it my dad?!..”
His wife stood by the kitchen sink,
When he asked her to fix him a drink.
Then he saw the tiredness set in her eyes,
And he thought of his dad telling him to be kind.
He hugged her and kissed, and said with surprise:
“Let me do the dishes tonight”.
Posted in poetry, Uncategorized | Tagged: bad luck, children, economy, Faith, family, God, Jesus, kindness, life, Love, money, mother, parenting, poetry, spirituality, women | 10 Comments »
BACK FROM HEAVEN
Posted by Ella Moss on August 4, 2008
I am back from 27 days of Heaven in Katskills.
God, it was good to take a brake from my real life.
The cottage I rented there must have been built centuries ago. Basically, it was a shack. It did have hot water, a tiny shower and a very old gas oven. That as far as amenities went.
But it was right on a lake. There was a deck there, perfect for yoga. I would wake up, put a bathing suit on, go do yoga, and then swim, till I get hungry. Then I would come back to my shack, and have breakfast on my veranda with an awesome view of the lake.
From then on, my day would be made by sun, laughter, great conversations… Then I would be playing with my son in the lake, or teach him swim, or go for blueberries hunt…
Every day was perfect!
I swear, I could live like that forever, and not get bored.
But, all that goes up, has to come down…
And so, I am here again, trying to make a living, sweating in the subway everyday like everyone else…
But, instead of fretting about tomorrow, now I welcome it, certain that all is well with the Universe.
I should be looking for a roommate to save money on rent. Instead, I am going to get a kitten for my son.
After all, if I am to have Faith, I’ve got to prove it by planning for the best, instead of the worst, right?
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: Faith, heaven, Katskills, life, vacation | 2 Comments »
