When our concepts are wrong, so is the life that we build for ourselves, and we end up unhappy.
We may mask our unhappiness with chocolate, sex, drugs and/ or shopping – buying a temporary fix of serotonin so we don’t notice our true emotional state.
But when we refuse to see that our concepts are wrong, we get sick. Chronic illnesses are the result of chronic unhappiness.
Since most of us barricade ourselves behind the wrong concepts, most of us end up ill, and so pharmaceutical and medical industries are the major industries of the modern world.

Most of our concepts are wrong, because most of us watch TV and read newspapers.
But it is not negative news that kills us, it is the advertisement.
We all are victims of relentless marketing, because advertisement slips in the suggestions to our subconsciousness on what concepts we should acquire.
The beloved American Dream is: a wife / husband + 2.5 kids + dog / cat in a spacious McMansion with formal dining room, family room on top of living room, more bedrooms and bathrooms then one can count; manicured front lawn and a large backyard with a swimming pool, 2+ cars garage; college education and successful careers.
The suburbs are full of such families, and most of them are uniquely unhappy.

I too had a concept of happiness similar to that, except that I hate suburbs and prefer to live in a city but would love a house in a country as well.
This dream fell apart 3 years ago when I found myself physically ill because I no longer could stomach my marriage. So we’ve separated.
In fact, my concept of happiness began to destruct 5 years ago, when my husband said, “Let’s make a girl you’ve always wanted”. It’s true: since I was a little girl, I always wanted to have 2 children: first, a boy, and then a girl.
When my son was born, I wanted to wait at least 5 years before another pregnancy as he was a difficult baby and I always favored a larger age separation between children.
The timing of my husband’s offer was perfect. Yet I felt physically nauseated at the thought and knew the minute he said it that I really don’t want another child.
I underlined “really”, because that is when I began to realize that my concept of happiness did not suit me in my reality.

My life got only tougher in 2007, when, 2 months after I separated from my husband, I lost my major client and The Great Financial Crisis walked into my door.
Three years later, I am a single mom working 60+ hours / wk and on the verge of losing $300/ month of my child support and the babysitter (who is my estranged husband), because his unemployment benefits are set to expire in January. The only job he may get at this point would only cover his rent and food, so he would not be able to spare a dollar for his son. Once working, he would also be unable to pick his son from school twice a week for guitar lessons and choir practice.
That means, life for my son and I is going to get so much tougher.

As I was contemplating this while doing my X-Mass shopping, suddenly my thoughts went into completely different direction:
I started thinking of what REALLY makes me happy, and here’s list:
1) Watching TV with my son, while laying next to him on the couch
2) Dancing with my friends at my annual New Year’s Eve party (the only time I get to dance lately)
3) Talking with my friends in the park, while we watch our kids play and enjoy the beauty of the park
4) doing yoga by the lake in the summer

And then I started thinking back, collecting the very best moments in my life in my memory:
1) I was about 13 y.o. in a summer camp, when I discovered laying in the boat watching the sky. The boat would lull softly under me to the swishing of light waves, and the ever changing beauty of the sky would engross me completely
2) I was about 14 y.o. when I looked out of the window and was caught by the beauty of the falling snow so much that I ran outside and was dancing in the night with the snowflakes
3) I was 17 y.o., laying in the sweetly smelling summer field and feeling THE ONENESS with the earth, the grass, the sky….
4) I was 19 y.o., homeless, living in someone’s basement when THE LIGHT came over me and I SAW AND SPOKE TO GOD.
5) I was in my early twenties, galloping on the naked horse up the hill, when I suddenly thought, “This moment makes the whole life worth living”
6) The same thought occurred to me when in 1993 I was skiing down a sunny slope on Mount Snow, the day after I witnessed the first WTC bombing and quit my job.
7) In 1997, in the jungles of Nepal, I have encountered such a breath-taking peacefulness and beauty that, as I was sliding in the canoe next to man-eating crocodiles sunning by the shore, I could almost pet them, while Himalayan picks were hovering in the distance and the yellow flowers all around me went so well with the blue shades of the sky and the mountains….
8) The kiss I shared with my husband when our son was born
9) The first time my son was skiing the green slope
10) My son singing Santa Lucia at a concert, and strangers screaming “Bravo”, because he sang so beautifully…
Please, don’t get me wrong. I had many, many wonderful moments in my life, and many exciting adventures.
Still, if I die today, these 10 moments would be the crown glory of my life.

Meanwhile, I am killing myself making a buck so I could spend it on some thing I am told would make me or my son happy, worrying about his education, because he would need a good job in order to have his McMansion, 2.5 kids, a wife and a pet.
And no time to watch the sky, dance with the snow flakes, smell the roses…..
I was rich, and I was poor, I had 2 husbands and 3 weddings, and many, many interesting happenings in my life, but only 10 moments of pure and absolute joyful happiness.

Interestingly, most of these moments came to me when I’ve liberated myself from some concept of happiness so I could be one with naked reality.

So I am not going to stress myself of what is going to come in January once my ex’ unemployment benefits run out. I am going “to smell the roses”, making a point of noticing the beauty of each day around me, snuggling next to my son every evening and NOTICING MY HAPPINESS, instead of struggling to fit a concept of happiness and cry about what’s missing from it or MAY GO MISSING.
In fact, it is our fears of not getting something or losing something that make us miserable and cheap away at happiness that is our true Divine nature and so is always there, if only we could take time to notice… Everything else is but a concept.
I am liberating myself from concepts and fears created by them – that’s my New Year resolution.

1.
It is only beginning of June,
But it feels like the end of the world
That is certainly coming up soon,
As the weather turns hot
And the souls turn cold.

My money is gone, and so is love
And everything else disappears…
But my heart has been so light –
I’ve lost everything, even fear.

Or, maybe, my body’s been shed
With the very last tear drop.
God has caught me in His blue net,
And I am slowly going up.

I am dancing and dancing with God –
After all, it’s the end of the world –
And my heart has been just so light:
It no longer has something to hold.

There are drops of the warm summer rain
Licking nakedness of my soul,
And I deem myself finally sane,
Flying into the sky’s blue hole.

2.
Wait, God, wait! Can’t You see, are You blind?
There is my little boy left behind!
I have not lost him just yet,
But he’s losing me fast, can’t you wait?!
I can bear my losses, not his
I can bear my crosses, not his
Can’t You hear him crying at all?
Let me fall back in June, let me fall!

3.
There are towers falling with me,
and spilled blood smells a lot like the oil,
And young boy in Iraq whispers scream,
His red life sipping into the soil,
His dark skin slowly turning white…
That’s my son, only older somehow…
Did I sent him into the fight?
Am I responsible now?

No, my son is a three-years-old,
Starving and all alone,
Licking an empty bowl
That’s been empty for so long…

I am lost. Are we in China?
Texas? Afghanistan? Uruguay?

I cannot help him. I switch TV channel,
Eat my potato chips and cry.

I’m sorry, my baby, we’ve fallen
To the very bottom of June,
And the rivers of prayers are swollen..
But the end of the world’s coming soon.

4.

I am walking my son to day care.
He is holding my hand so tight!
“When you need me, I’m always there” –
That’s what God has told me last night.

5.
At the bottom of June, I am dancing with God.
I am asking Him questions, ‘cause I am His child:
“Am I dying, my Lord, or just changing my skin?
On what day have You thought of the concept of sin?”

“My child, I am only the Maker of Dreams.
Each soul wakes up, when it actually screams.
Still, I am your closest friend,
‘cause I am always there.
Right now, I’m holding your hand,
As you’re walking me to the day care”

Literal translation of the word “happiness” from Russian (my native language) into English means “bringing all parts together”. Happiness is so elusive a state because there are so many parts to it: physical well-being, material well-being, emotional well-being and spiritual well-being.

Having it all at once is truly rare. That is because we are complex beings, consisting of Spirit, ego (self, persona), and physical body. Satisfying all 3 is not easy, as often their needs are contradictory, or, at, least, they appear to be so.

I’d say, much in life that we take for granted as a fact is a mere appearance of such, while the true reality is missing from the view. It is as if we are looking at life through a rear view mirror. Some objects may be closer than they seem, and some we may miss entirely as there is a blind spot.

This rear-view mirror is our ego. It is an intricate magic mirror that is alive like everything else in the Universe, and it is colored with many unique qualities, characteristics and sensitivities it has been endowed since birth.

Yet, as our Spirit peers at it in order to gauge the Earthly reality, It forgets that the ego is just a reflection. Like Alice in Wonder Land, it steps into the mirrored reality and assumes that the reflected world is the real one.

But a mirror is a mirror is a mirror. What appears to be far, is actually near and vice versa sometimes. Right is left, and left is right. God appears beyond reach, while He is The Nearest. Many imagine Him as an unseen yet omniscient Big Brother or an Administrator, whose favor we must earn. Some don’t feel worthy of His favor and don’t even bother asking. Some deny His existence altogether.

Yet God is the key ingredient of our happiness. Spiritual well-being is not possible without Him, because He is the Spirit. Denying God, or, at least, His Presence, is denying our own true nature.

Yes, I am blessed knowing Him (or Her – it’s the same), that is why I feel competent writing about Him. Long ago, when I was a 13 y.o. unhappy young girl looking for a meaning of life, God came into my life through series of revelations and never left. Or, rather, I’ve spotted Him in the rear-view mirror and never took my eyes off Him.

I still remember how the world felt without His Presence: it was a lonely, unkind, cold place, full of lonely scared people. My Spirit, like theirs, looked at the magic mirror of the Ego and did not see Itself. It saw existence which was virtually pointless, as it’s true nature was missing from the view. The Ego saw itself totally disconnected from the rest of the world. It was tiny and insignificant, helpless and terrified – like a 3 y.o. who was suddenly orphaned.

Many spiritual books we read say that we should deny our Ego (the little self) in order to achieve the spiritual well-being.

But our magic mirror is alive and it is a part of us on the Earthly plane. So, if we deny it, we deny any possibility of happiness to ourselves just as much as when we forget the Spirit, while staring into it without seeing.

So we should comfort our Ego as well. We cannot truly be whole, if we deny any part of ourselves. We cannot truly express our nature, which is LOVE, if we don’t love ourselves. If you saw a 3 y.o lost, hungry, cold, scared and crying, would not you take care of that child? That is what you should do for yourself too: comfort yourself. You are the Spirit first. As such, you are part of God. As part of God, you are The Mother and Father to all creation, including your Ego (your persona, that has a gender, name and various other characteristics).

On the other hand, if a 3 y.o. is not satisfied with a scoop of ice-cream, a toy, and a new jacket you gave him, but, instead, drops on the floor, screaming and crying, because he wants all the ice-cream in the store, all the toys in the store, and a fur-coat off another child’s back, would you give in to his demands?

No? But many of us work hard for a second house, a third car, a tenth pair of pants, etc..

In fact, the books like “The Secret”, “The Power of Attraction”, etc. that promise prosperity to all who reads them are flying off the shelves.

Then, of course, there are some of us who practice “tough love”. Such people would leave that screaming brat on the floor and just leave for some ascetic Spartan existence off the electric grid. That works too: their Ego sobers up as quickly as any 3 y.o. would and starts dreaming instead of such simple pleasures as taking a bath once in a while.

I, personally, believe in balanced mothering: I tell my Ego, “I love you, darling, but I don’t want you to get sick from eating so much ice-cream. Not to mention, that you would become too fat to get into a nice little life I have created just for you.”

You would be surprised by how well Ego listens if you talk to it lovingly but firmly.

As a young child, I lived in an orphanage, because my parents were too busy divorcing each other. There was no one to parent me but me.

When I was 5 y.o., I did something I was strictly forbidden to do: I hid behind the large book-shelves standing by the wall. I did not know that the book-shelves were hiding steaming-hot radiators. I touched a radiator with the back of my hand and burned it immediately. In pain, I looked at my hand and saw the skin popping up like little red balloons.

I could not scream in fear of being punished, so instead I told myself firmly: “The pain should go away now and the skin must return back to normal.” And it did. Immediately.

Of course, if I knew it was the 2^nd degree burn, and all its serious consequences, it would not have worked so well. That is why now I have much harder time curing myself: my Ego is much more educated now.

But it still listens to me, as it trusts my parenting. I am a kind, loving parent to myself. Sometimes, I can even be indulgent. But I know where to draw the line. Most importantly, I know how to talk to my self.

For example, I never say, “This person/ situation annoys me”. Instead, I say, “I am annoyed at this person / situation.” That is because I have no control over another person. I can only control myself. So if I am annoyed to the point that my Divine nature gets obscured in the magic mirror of the Ego, I can stop being annoyed. I know my Ego has other qualities besides annoyance. So why should I live in a raffled reality? I can tell my self to be patient instead. And I reward my self  for consequent patience by focusing on something pleasant. For example, if I get annoyed at my 8 y.o. son and summon patience instead of annoyance, I reward my self by concentrating on how pleasant it is hugging my son. Immediately, all I feel is calm, joy, and whole a lot of love.

Of course, like everyone, I can be overcome with anger. My Ego may feel belittled or threatened, and it may take a while for my Spirit to gain control back. But I always know I will. Because I keep reminding my self that no one has such control over me that he/ she can make me angry. I am the one who got anger, and I am the one who can get rid off it.

Of course, if I consistently get angry at the same person, I should do my best to avoid that person as much as possible. Why should I destroy my body by consistently filling it with such strong negative emotions? I’d rather make that person much less visible in the rear-view mirror of my reality.

I also don’t think that it is beneath me to ask for help when I am overcome with negativity. God is the Parent of me the Spirit, and I know He is always there to help

like any good parent (and He is the best). Forgiveness is such a good antidote to anger, that I always ask for more. In reality, the way I see it, forgiveness is one of the important ingredients for emotional well-being.

Another important ingredient is kindness. The existence on the Earthly plane is not an easy one. So everyone here deserves kindness: rich and poor, villains and victims, for there is no one without a serious challenge to overcome. As the preacher in my church once said, “Kindness and kindred have the same root”. We all are kindred spirits in the mirrored wonder land. In the true reality of Spirit (remember that all you see is but a reflection in your Ego’s eyes), Giving is Receiving and vice versa. Because when we give without strings attached, just because we want to, we are enriched by the sense of well-being so much more than the person on the receiving end. In other words, when we give freely, we feed the Spirit; when we receive, we feed the Ego. Blessed be those who receive, for they give pleasure of kindness to others at their own expense.

How is that, you may ask, that the Mother Theresa, who dedicated herself to kindness was so perpetually depressed according to her diaries, if giving is supposed to make one feel good? Well, according to her diaries, she was not giving from her heart out of pure desire to help out. The string that she attached to her kindness was the reward of God’s presence. In her mind, she stroke a bargain:  she would serve God as He asked, and he would extricate her from loneliness by His sweet presence. But God does not bargain, and when we are  kind out of sense of duty, giving becomes a chore.

Those who are truly kind live in a kinder Universe, because the world we see is the reflection in the magic mirror of the Ego. So when we are truly kind, our kindness is reflected back to us through kindness of others to ourselves. The trick is not to expect that kindness back. If you don’t feel like giving –don’t!

One should be kind to the Ego too. Sometimes, when you REALLY like that blouse in a store window, you should give your self the pleasure of wearing it, even if you have to buy it with your rent money.

In fact, when you do so, while putting your rent-payment worries aside for a moment, you show your self that you trust the Universe enough to take care of your necessities.

Since the Ego is just a mirror (albeit the magic one), suddenly you would see a kinder Universe. For instance, you may scratch a lottery ticket and win for the first time, or IRS may discover that it owes you money – just enough to cover your rent. So enjoy that blouse!

Just don’t go overboard. Those Egos that are spoiled rotten can create a real mess out of your life. Treat your self as another child of yours. Every child needs and deserves love, care and discipline.

This brings me to another ingredient for happiness: loving one another. How does that relate to happiness?

Well, anyone who loves his child would tell you: there is no greater happiness. That is because we love our kids with no strings attached. When we make them happy, our hearts light up no less than theirs. Since they are born, we take care of their needs and do so freely. We truly don’t expect the same of them (could a baby bring you a glass of warm milk when you feel under the weather?). We celebrate the smallest of their achievements (she said her first word!!! / he actually grabbed a toy!!! he skied down the green slope on his own!!!) with more pride and joy that we could possibly do our own.

Imagine loving someone else (not your child) in the same way. That someone else would make you just as happy.

Unfortunately, that is a tall order. We don’t even love our dearest friends that much, because we expect something in return. Our Egos are babies that we carry inside, and they are so worried that there would be no one to care for them when they need to, because God is not reflected by their mirrors. He is obscured by the blind spot.

So we should remind our selves on daily basis, that we are His creations, and, if we manage to love our creations (our children, art projects, businesses, etc.) so much, imagine how much greater His love is for us!

So we may stop littering the Universe with our fears and worries, anger and resentment, which are invariably get reflected back to us via the mirrors of selves as bad situations, illnesses, pollution, global warming, economic collapses. We have to take a leap of faith and trust the unseen God to take care of us. We are not lost. God is always here, and we are so dear to Him. Every normal mother runs to her baby when he screams for her. Scream for God, and He would appear in your mirror. Then grab on to Him and don’t let go. Then your magic mirror would reflect you in God’s arms and nothing would be all that scary any more.

When you are no longer scared, it is so much easier to be kind and give from your heart. When you discover your kindness, the Universe reflects it back giving you even more joy. Little by little, you begin to realize how beautiful and precious this life is. It is no longer a scary lonely place. Happiness begins to be reflected everywhere, and it becomes easier and easier to catch its glimpse.

One just needs to adjust the focus of the Ego’s magic mirror. The problem is, the Spirit (the Divine part of ourselves) knows only immediate present, while the Ego can typically see only the past or the future. That’s why God falls into its blind spot – God is always present in the most immediate way! But we can train the Ego to focus on the present. We can stop for a second and really smell the flowers, experiencing them as fully as possible.

We can snuggle next to our loved one and enjoy that feeling of closeness if just for a second without any comments inside the head.

When we focus on the future, we invariably worry. Worries cloud the mirror, and all we begin to see is monsters.

Do we really need goals? Our lives go by while we strive to achieve them. When we finally do, we rarely enjoy the moment anyway, since the magic mirror of the Ego is already showing us the next one. In a sense, we spend our lives striving for something instead of living them. At the end, death evens all out anyway. As I keep telling my son:

“Winning is far from being everything. Unless you enjoy the process, winning is worthless.” In short, you’ve got to enjoy what you do when you are doing it. That is another crucial ingredient for happiness.

She was down on her luck:
Her husband left, she was laid off.
Then a marshal came and saw her off.
She put her possessions in a plastic bag,
And holding onto her son’s little hand,
She walked off to the world’s farthest end.
And there she found a place to laid down,
At the very edge of the town.

She gave her son potato chips
(That’s all she could afford).
Then she dag into her bag and got out her coat.
She placed it on the ground
(Thank God, no one was around),
And made a pillow out of the bag.
“Tonight we are sleeping on this magic rug”,
She said to her child and snuggled up next to him.
And the breeze went quiet,
And the street light dimmed.

She sang to her child a lullaby:
“Shash, little baby, don’t you cry
Jesus Christ loves you and so do I”
Breathing in the sweet smell of his hair.
With her heart filled with love to the brim,
She thought, “Nothing better can be out there”
And, thank God, it is totally free!…”

2.

She looked at the stars: they were many and bright,
And she hugged her child so tender yet tight,
As the coat lift them up to the sky.
There an angel stopped by
The coat and gave them the sweetest of smiles.
He knew them by name and they talked for a while.
Then he said, hugging the child:

“These stars that you see are reflections of lights
That reside within each human heart.
By kindness of others they’re kindled this bright.
That is where Divinity starts.
What you see is the very image of God -
Every human’s inherited right.
When kindness lights up one person’s heart,
Everyone gets a little more light.”

And He added, while sending back
to the ground her magic rug:
“What you think of yourself being down on luck
is really you giving someone a chance
to brighten his heart with kindness for once”.

3.

Startled and suddenly cold, she woke up
and saw a man standing by the bus stop.
Let this story be truthfully told,
he was old, decrepit, short, fat and bald.
Their eyes’ve met, and he said with a laugh:
“Were you waiting here all night for the bus?”
“No. This is my place”.
“That must be tough.
Your hubby should get you a roof that lasts”,
And he laughed some more, enjoying his own joke.
“My husband left”, she said, folding her rug.
And they went quiet, both taken back
To the time when their hearts broke.

His was many a year ago,
When he and his wife fought for months in a row.
Then he left her and his son,
taking off after the setting Sun.

Since life was easier with feelings gone,
he never needed again anyone,
and that worked out just fine.

But now, as he looked at her boy, golden hair and all,
he thought of his kid and felt a jolt.
So he surprised himself with the following words:
“Come along. I need help with my pizza place.
And for that I would give you the room and board.
So what do you say?”
She said, “Yes”.

4.

And that is how it came to be that she got a job and a place to stay.
And that is how it is to this day.

She waits on his tables, she cooks and cleans.
She is always smiling. He always looks mean.

But he pays her cash and buys her son toys,
And seeing them smile makes his heart leap with joy.

5.

Then one day he got very sick
And spent in a hospital more than a week.
When he came out, he told her, “I’m old.
I can measure the rest of my life in days.
I’ve got to put my affairs in order.
Please, look after my place,
While I’m gone.
I’ve got to find my son.”

And that’s what he did.
He saw his son
From across the street,
while sitting in the van,
Then through a hole in the fence,
Then through a window at night.
His son was a handsome man,
Tall, with hair wavy and light.
He had a wife and 2 young kids.
He liked cars and had a tooth for sweets.
And, as he saw his son through a window at night,
Putting his kids to bed,
Kissing them on the forehead,
The old man cried.
Then he turned around and was walking back to his van.
That is when he heard the voice of his son:
“Hey! What’s up with you, man?!
You’ve been stalking me all day long!”
“I’m sorry”, his dad said, “I was wrong.
I was wrong leaving you and your mom
To fend for yourselves.
I was numb.
I was numb all these years.
I have wasted my life on money and stuff.
But I’m glad you’re making alright with your life
Right from the start.
Remember, my son, to be kind to your wife,
For kindness keeps the joy in your heart.
It makes men feel better than many a dollar.
Sometimes it requires of men real valor.
But that’s what it takes to become a man.
You can have no respect for yourself until then.
And I’m sorry I was not a man enough.
So you’d better take care of the kids and the wife.
Don’t worry about the stuff.”
And, swallowing tears,
he opened the van’s door.
“I’m sorry”, he repeated,
“that I could not be more…
That I was not more kind..”
And he disappeared
into the night.

His son went back to the house, scratching his head:
“What was that?!…Was it my dad?!..”
His wife stood by the kitchen sink,
When he asked her to fix him a drink.
Then he saw the tiredness set in her eyes,
And he thought of his dad telling him to be kind.
He hugged her and kissed, and said with surprise:
“Let me do the dishes tonight”.

Tagged: bad luck, children, economy, Faith, family, God, Jesus, kindness, life, Love, money, mother, parenting, poetry, spirituality, women ]]> http://underzodiacclock.com/2009/04/20/2-more-lights/feed/ 10 blagomot img_01811 http://underzodiacclock.com/2008/08/05/of-god-and-her/ http://underzodiacclock.com/2008/08/05/of-god-and-her/#comments Tue, 05 Aug 2008 04:42:42 +0000 Ella Moss http://underzodiacclock.wordpress.com/?p=14 ]]> She was a daughter, a wife, and a mother

She was a sister, an aunt and a friend

She always took time to care, to bother -

Since she did not know where Love ends.

And how it happened, no one really knows -

But she found herself carrying the world.

She stepped really slow, she bent really low

Under the weight of her load.

God looked, and he saw: her shoulders were tiny!

And he asked, “Why are you carrying this?”

“I’m afraid it’d fall and break like china.

Would you strengthen my shoulders and knees?”

“My darling, I think, I would rather

Help you carry the world instead. I’m like you:

I am the Mother, the Father, the Brother,

And I know what Love can do.”

And so He did. And, with Her smile found,

She brightened and asked, “Where are we going, God?”

“I don’t know – Love is so round.

But don’t worry, I will be your guide.”

…

So off they went. And, while the Sun still shone,

God said, “I’ve taught all my children the same:

‘Love one another’. I wrote it in stone.

But they continue to kill and mame

each other – all in my name!”

She sighted, “I know, my dear, I know..

But you’ve got to keep faith. They will grow.

They will mature, and help us along.

It’s not easy sometimes to see right from wrong.

Love is round. It always come back to the Heart,

From which It came forth. But the journey is hard.”

“My children are crying. They scream, ‘Drop the World!

Let’s pieces fall where they may!’

Life is round. A sword would come back to a sword.

Blood and tears are staining the way.”

“If you drop it, then I will fall to my knees

And collect it all back, piece by piece, piece by piece!

I’ll be stitching it back for as long as I breathe!

Every leaf, every blade, every petal and bug,

Every smile, every tear – I’d put it right back!”

“I know, my darling,” He sighted and smiled,

“That’s why I still carry it mile after mile.”

So they kept on going: age after age, page after page

And the Sun still shone.

.2.

They carried the world mile after mile,

Tear after tear, and smile after smile

For a very long while.

She bathed, fed and clothed the world,

She healed its wounds and soothed its pain

Through sleed and snow, and rain.

And the world grew. And she grew old.

And one of those days, she turns to God and says,

“I am tired. I want to go to Heaven.”

God was taken aback: “But you’re there, my lady!

I’ve been with you every step of the way!

I was giving you water, food and clothes each day.

Over clouds, I strewed silver lining.

I lit the stars, and kept the Sun shining.

And I kissed all your tears away.

Heaven is where Love finds its way.”

Now it was Her turn to be shocked:

“If Heaven’s that hard, then what is Hell?!”

God sighted, and all went dark.

And the world fell.

She tried to break its fall but missed.

She fell too, and was badly hurt.

All around Her lay what was left of the world:

a screaming piece, a silent piece, a crying piece…

She blamed God, but He was not around to bear shame.

The Darkness around remained the same.

In this crying darkness, she lay – all alone,

Waiting for life to end.

And she thought of the times when the Sun still shone,

And God was Her very best Friend.

She imagined Him near, oh, so dear,

And she quietly moaned:

“Now I know what Hell is.

Get me out, God! Help! Please!”

…

Right away she saw a sliver of light,

And She knew that all was to be alright.

…

God was back. He hugged her and kissed.

“Where were you,” He said, “You were sorely missed!

Please, my love, don’t do that again!

When you think I am gone, I shut out in pain.

Tears cover my eyes like terrestial rain

And, becoming virtually blind,

I cann’t find you until you scream in your mind!”

She looked in His eyes, and she knew it was true.

“I promise,” She said, “to be always with you!

Every thought, every moment, every step of the way!”

He brightened: “My child, let’s go and play!”

…

Suddenly feeling light like a bug,

She gave God a smooch and a hug,

She laughed, and she ran

Playing catch with the Sun

Together with God, her very best Friend,

Through flowery meadows, wind in Her hair,

And a shiny new world at the palm of her hand.

The Not End