When our concepts are wrong, so is the life that we build for ourselves, and we end up unhappy.
We may mask our unhappiness with chocolate, sex, drugs and/ or shopping – buying a temporary fix of serotonin so we don’t notice our true emotional state.
But when we refuse to see that our concepts are wrong, we get sick. Chronic illnesses are the result of chronic unhappiness.
Since most of us barricade ourselves behind the wrong concepts, most of us end up ill, and so pharmaceutical and medical industries are the major industries of the modern world.

Most of our concepts are wrong, because most of us watch TV and read newspapers.
But it is not negative news that kills us, it is the advertisement.
We all are victims of relentless marketing, because advertisement slips in the suggestions to our subconsciousness on what concepts we should acquire.
The beloved American Dream is: a wife / husband + 2.5 kids + dog / cat in a spacious McMansion with formal dining room, family room on top of living room, more bedrooms and bathrooms then one can count; manicured front lawn and a large backyard with a swimming pool, 2+ cars garage; college education and successful careers.
The suburbs are full of such families, and most of them are uniquely unhappy.

I too had a concept of happiness similar to that, except that I hate suburbs and prefer to live in a city but would love a house in a country as well.
This dream fell apart 3 years ago when I found myself physically ill because I no longer could stomach my marriage. So we’ve separated.
In fact, my concept of happiness began to destruct 5 years ago, when my husband said, “Let’s make a girl you’ve always wanted”. It’s true: since I was a little girl, I always wanted to have 2 children: first, a boy, and then a girl.
When my son was born, I wanted to wait at least 5 years before another pregnancy as he was a difficult baby and I always favored a larger age separation between children.
The timing of my husband’s offer was perfect. Yet I felt physically nauseated at the thought and knew the minute he said it that I really don’t want another child.
I underlined “really”, because that is when I began to realize that my concept of happiness did not suit me in my reality.

My life got only tougher in 2007, when, 2 months after I separated from my husband, I lost my major client and The Great Financial Crisis walked into my door.
Three years later, I am a single mom working 60+ hours / wk and on the verge of losing $300/ month of my child support and the babysitter (who is my estranged husband), because his unemployment benefits are set to expire in January. The only job he may get at this point would only cover his rent and food, so he would not be able to spare a dollar for his son. Once working, he would also be unable to pick his son from school twice a week for guitar lessons and choir practice.
That means, life for my son and I is going to get so much tougher.

As I was contemplating this while doing my X-Mass shopping, suddenly my thoughts went into completely different direction:
I started thinking of what REALLY makes me happy, and here’s list:
1) Watching TV with my son, while laying next to him on the couch
2) Dancing with my friends at my annual New Year’s Eve party (the only time I get to dance lately)
3) Talking with my friends in the park, while we watch our kids play and enjoy the beauty of the park
4) doing yoga by the lake in the summer

And then I started thinking back, collecting the very best moments in my life in my memory:
1) I was about 13 y.o. in a summer camp, when I discovered laying in the boat watching the sky. The boat would lull softly under me to the swishing of light waves, and the ever changing beauty of the sky would engross me completely
2) I was about 14 y.o. when I looked out of the window and was caught by the beauty of the falling snow so much that I ran outside and was dancing in the night with the snowflakes
3) I was 17 y.o., laying in the sweetly smelling summer field and feeling THE ONENESS with the earth, the grass, the sky….
4) I was 19 y.o., homeless, living in someone’s basement when THE LIGHT came over me and I SAW AND SPOKE TO GOD.
5) I was in my early twenties, galloping on the naked horse up the hill, when I suddenly thought, “This moment makes the whole life worth living”
6) The same thought occurred to me when in 1993 I was skiing down a sunny slope on Mount Snow, the day after I witnessed the first WTC bombing and quit my job.
7) In 1997, in the jungles of Nepal, I have encountered such a breath-taking peacefulness and beauty that, as I was sliding in the canoe next to man-eating crocodiles sunning by the shore, I could almost pet them, while Himalayan picks were hovering in the distance and the yellow flowers all around me went so well with the blue shades of the sky and the mountains….
8) The kiss I shared with my husband when our son was born
9) The first time my son was skiing the green slope
10) My son singing Santa Lucia at a concert, and strangers screaming “Bravo”, because he sang so beautifully…
Please, don’t get me wrong. I had many, many wonderful moments in my life, and many exciting adventures.
Still, if I die today, these 10 moments would be the crown glory of my life.

Meanwhile, I am killing myself making a buck so I could spend it on some thing I am told would make me or my son happy, worrying about his education, because he would need a good job in order to have his McMansion, 2.5 kids, a wife and a pet.
And no time to watch the sky, dance with the snow flakes, smell the roses…..
I was rich, and I was poor, I had 2 husbands and 3 weddings, and many, many interesting happenings in my life, but only 10 moments of pure and absolute joyful happiness.

Interestingly, most of these moments came to me when I’ve liberated myself from some concept of happiness so I could be one with naked reality.

So I am not going to stress myself of what is going to come in January once my ex’ unemployment benefits run out. I am going “to smell the roses”, making a point of noticing the beauty of each day around me, snuggling next to my son every evening and NOTICING MY HAPPINESS, instead of struggling to fit a concept of happiness and cry about what’s missing from it or MAY GO MISSING.
In fact, it is our fears of not getting something or losing something that make us miserable and cheap away at happiness that is our true Divine nature and so is always there, if only we could take time to notice… Everything else is but a concept.
I am liberating myself from concepts and fears created by them – that’s my New Year resolution.

1.
It is only beginning of June,
But it feels like the end of the world
That is certainly coming up soon,
As the weather turns hot
And the souls turn cold.

My money is gone, and so is love
And everything else disappears…
But my heart has been so light –
I’ve lost everything, even fear.

Or, maybe, my body’s been shed
With the very last tear drop.
God has caught me in His blue net,
And I am slowly going up.

I am dancing and dancing with God –
After all, it’s the end of the world –
And my heart has been just so light:
It no longer has something to hold.

There are drops of the warm summer rain
Licking nakedness of my soul,
And I deem myself finally sane,
Flying into the sky’s blue hole.

2.
Wait, God, wait! Can’t You see, are You blind?
There is my little boy left behind!
I have not lost him just yet,
But he’s losing me fast, can’t you wait?!
I can bear my losses, not his
I can bear my crosses, not his
Can’t You hear him crying at all?
Let me fall back in June, let me fall!

3.
There are towers falling with me,
and spilled blood smells a lot like the oil,
And young boy in Iraq whispers scream,
His red life sipping into the soil,
His dark skin slowly turning white…
That’s my son, only older somehow…
Did I sent him into the fight?
Am I responsible now?

No, my son is a three-years-old,
Starving and all alone,
Licking an empty bowl
That’s been empty for so long…

I am lost. Are we in China?
Texas? Afghanistan? Uruguay?

I cannot help him. I switch TV channel,
Eat my potato chips and cry.

I’m sorry, my baby, we’ve fallen
To the very bottom of June,
And the rivers of prayers are swollen..
But the end of the world’s coming soon.

4.

I am walking my son to day care.
He is holding my hand so tight!
“When you need me, I’m always there” –
That’s what God has told me last night.

5.
At the bottom of June, I am dancing with God.
I am asking Him questions, ‘cause I am His child:
“Am I dying, my Lord, or just changing my skin?
On what day have You thought of the concept of sin?”

“My child, I am only the Maker of Dreams.
Each soul wakes up, when it actually screams.
Still, I am your closest friend,
‘cause I am always there.
Right now, I’m holding your hand,
As you’re walking me to the day care”

When my son was 1.5 y.o., I joined the majority of Russian community in NYC and rented a “dacha” in Catskills for a summer.

“Dachas” are cottages in a small community of summer residents, located in rural areas, often by a lake.

The cottages offer minimal amenities. “Dachniki” must bring with them bedding, pans and pens, and everything else that would sustain them for 2 months of mostly outdoor living.

Summers in NYC tend to be hot and humid. Working parents must either send their kids to camps or hire babysitters (could be more expensive). When kids are too young for camps, it could be especially hard on parents, as I quickly found out.

Luckily, someone suggested a “dacha”. I packed half of my apartment and the kid, and off to the woods I went.

Of course, I could not afford to spend the whole summer here, so we have arranged 2-weeks shifts with all the relatives we could find.

On dachas, kids and parents enjoy the company and freedom (there is no need to watch them every second, as they play in the meadows of an enclosed community, with plenty of friendly adults seeing their every move).

I fell in love with the lazy summer days by the lake, and could no longer contemplate a summer without dacha.

Of course, once my son was old enough for summer camp, we cut the season to a month (arranging shifts with relatives was too complicated), and for 3 weeks in August our son would shuttle daily to Nyak from NYC, where his day camp was located.

We could afford this kind of summer kid-care thanks to tax returns on my husband’s w-2 income. My business has been too tiny to afford anything like that.

Even though my husband and I separated 2 yrs ago, we kept filing jointly specifically for this purpose.

But as of this January, he has been laid off, and there are not going to be any tax returns for us next year.

I was coming this July to my little heaven in Catskills, knowing that this  was to be the last time.

As my stay here began nearing the end (this Sunday we are leaving), I began to be more and more upset.

I was trying to imagine a summer with no dacha or summer camp:

My son would have to tag along to my work (and I work all over the city) every day. Of course, he would practice reading in Russian on the subway, and then quietly play his DS while I work, and then we would visit our park in the evening.

On weekends, we could go to beaches on Brighton Beach, Long Island or Staten Island. It would be hot, and the water would be cold and dirty…

It would be a very lonely summer for him (all his friends are going to be away on dachas and in camps, but life is life, right?

I thought about getting a dog to brighten his days, but how would we take a puppy to my work? – Scratch that…

Last night, thinking of all that, I could not sleep, so I went out on my porch to have a cigarette.

The lake at dawn was simmering, birds were having a big breakfast, while chirping away, and the beauty of all that was breath-taking.

“I cannot give this up”, I thought. “In fact, for years now my brain has been working over-time to find a way for me to live like that a year round.

This dacha is taylor-made for me by God: I’ve got the best view of the lake from my porch. I have a deck to do my yoga on. I can go for a swim without taking even a towel with me – my cottage is 25 feet from the incredible pristine spring water of this lake. People are great. My friends from NYC live on dachas a walking distance away. If I need company, it’s here; if I need solitude, I have it. I can work here. I have internet, and my cell is working here, so I can network and take orders.

And only $3,000 stand between this, and a 2-months torture for me and my son. This is not a big money. $3,000 can buy 10 days on Bagamas, 1 week of skiing in Catskills, or 1 month here. I am certain that just like God found this perfect place for me, He can find this money for me too.”

I prayed, and peace came upon me. That minute I knew, that I should leave a deposit for the next year. My Universe is kind. It knows no recessions, and is always ready to supply all my needs. This is what I beleve, and this is what I shall have.

She was down on her luck:
Her husband left, she was laid off.
Then a marshal came and saw her off.
She put her possessions in a plastic bag,
And holding onto her son’s little hand,
She walked off to the world’s farthest end.
And there she found a place to laid down,
At the very edge of the town.

She gave her son potato chips
(That’s all she could afford).
Then she dag into her bag and got out her coat.
She placed it on the ground
(Thank God, no one was around),
And made a pillow out of the bag.
“Tonight we are sleeping on this magic rug”,
She said to her child and snuggled up next to him.
And the breeze went quiet,
And the street light dimmed.

She sang to her child a lullaby:
“Shash, little baby, don’t you cry
Jesus Christ loves you and so do I”
Breathing in the sweet smell of his hair.
With her heart filled with love to the brim,
She thought, “Nothing better can be out there”
And, thank God, it is totally free!…”

2.

She looked at the stars: they were many and bright,
And she hugged her child so tender yet tight,
As the coat lift them up to the sky.
There an angel stopped by
The coat and gave them the sweetest of smiles.
He knew them by name and they talked for a while.
Then he said, hugging the child:

“These stars that you see are reflections of lights
That reside within each human heart.
By kindness of others they’re kindled this bright.
That is where Divinity starts.
What you see is the very image of God -
Every human’s inherited right.
When kindness lights up one person’s heart,
Everyone gets a little more light.”

And He added, while sending back
to the ground her magic rug:
“What you think of yourself being down on luck
is really you giving someone a chance
to brighten his heart with kindness for once”.

3.

Startled and suddenly cold, she woke up
and saw a man standing by the bus stop.
Let this story be truthfully told,
he was old, decrepit, short, fat and bald.
Their eyes’ve met, and he said with a laugh:
“Were you waiting here all night for the bus?”
“No. This is my place”.
“That must be tough.
Your hubby should get you a roof that lasts”,
And he laughed some more, enjoying his own joke.
“My husband left”, she said, folding her rug.
And they went quiet, both taken back
To the time when their hearts broke.

His was many a year ago,
When he and his wife fought for months in a row.
Then he left her and his son,
taking off after the setting Sun.

Since life was easier with feelings gone,
he never needed again anyone,
and that worked out just fine.

But now, as he looked at her boy, golden hair and all,
he thought of his kid and felt a jolt.
So he surprised himself with the following words:
“Come along. I need help with my pizza place.
And for that I would give you the room and board.
So what do you say?”
She said, “Yes”.

4.

And that is how it came to be that she got a job and a place to stay.
And that is how it is to this day.

She waits on his tables, she cooks and cleans.
She is always smiling. He always looks mean.

But he pays her cash and buys her son toys,
And seeing them smile makes his heart leap with joy.

5.

Then one day he got very sick
And spent in a hospital more than a week.
When he came out, he told her, “I’m old.
I can measure the rest of my life in days.
I’ve got to put my affairs in order.
Please, look after my place,
While I’m gone.
I’ve got to find my son.”

And that’s what he did.
He saw his son
From across the street,
while sitting in the van,
Then through a hole in the fence,
Then through a window at night.
His son was a handsome man,
Tall, with hair wavy and light.
He had a wife and 2 young kids.
He liked cars and had a tooth for sweets.
And, as he saw his son through a window at night,
Putting his kids to bed,
Kissing them on the forehead,
The old man cried.
Then he turned around and was walking back to his van.
That is when he heard the voice of his son:
“Hey! What’s up with you, man?!
You’ve been stalking me all day long!”
“I’m sorry”, his dad said, “I was wrong.
I was wrong leaving you and your mom
To fend for yourselves.
I was numb.
I was numb all these years.
I have wasted my life on money and stuff.
But I’m glad you’re making alright with your life
Right from the start.
Remember, my son, to be kind to your wife,
For kindness keeps the joy in your heart.
It makes men feel better than many a dollar.
Sometimes it requires of men real valor.
But that’s what it takes to become a man.
You can have no respect for yourself until then.
And I’m sorry I was not a man enough.
So you’d better take care of the kids and the wife.
Don’t worry about the stuff.”
And, swallowing tears,
he opened the van’s door.
“I’m sorry”, he repeated,
“that I could not be more…
That I was not more kind..”
And he disappeared
into the night.

His son went back to the house, scratching his head:
“What was that?!…Was it my dad?!..”
His wife stood by the kitchen sink,
When he asked her to fix him a drink.
Then he saw the tiredness set in her eyes,
And he thought of his dad telling him to be kind.
He hugged her and kissed, and said with surprise:
“Let me do the dishes tonight”.

Tagged: bad luck, children, economy, Faith, family, God, Jesus, kindness, life, Love, money, mother, parenting, poetry, spirituality, women ]]> http://underzodiacclock.com/2009/04/20/2-more-lights/feed/ 10 blagomot img_01811 http://underzodiacclock.com/2008/09/23/musings-on-how-life-works/ http://underzodiacclock.com/2008/09/23/musings-on-how-life-works/#comments Tue, 23 Sep 2008 04:58:12 +0000 Ella Moss http://underzodiacclock.wordpress.com/?p=112 ]]> Long ago, as a young girl, I was sitting at a small Chinese restaurant in New York, waiting for my take out, when strong smell of fried rice suddenly took me 3,000 years back to a market in ancient India, where I saw myself as a girl no older than 12. I was running around with a boy just slightly older than me, while my grandmother was selling fried rice at a stall near by.

The next picture that opened in my mind was me a bit older, with a baby in my arms. I did not know what to do with that baby. I knew though that if I were to keep it, there would be terrible repercussions for me: as an unmarried young mother, I would be sentenced to a life of a pariah and a begger.

I climbed up a grassy hill. There was a river below, where women were washing clothes. I aimed to throw the child into the river just left of them, so the current would carry it a short distance into their arms.

At that moment, a terrible feeling came over me that I was being watched.

The next picture in my mind was me being taken away by several men. They were taking me to the temple, where I was to be burned to death.

My take out was ready, and a smiling Chinese lady took me back to the 20th century.

Five years later, I’ve met a lady who offered me and a few other women to experience a group past life regression. This was to be my very first past life regression.

Immediately, I went back to the same short life in ancient India. The only difference this time around was that I was able to discern that the baby I gave birth to in that life was my husband now.

I could not have guessed it before, at the Chinese restaurant, when the memory came naturally to me, because I did not meet my husband yet.

Now I could clearly understand the karma behind our marriage: somehow, as an unwed 12 – 13 y.o. mother taken to my fiery death, I have understood that the right thing to do would have been staying with the soul that came into my life as a child no matter what misery it presented. At the same time, the soul of my then – child – now – husband obviously felt guilty for bringing me the threat of dire poverty.

During all our lives together ever since (and I certainly remember bits and pieces of one of our other marriages at the turn of the 20th century), his soul would bring material prosperity into my life, while I would be resolved to be miserable around him but loyal nonetheless.

My heart swelled with compassion and forgiveness for both of us.

No more than a few weeks later, as we were celebrating our 2nd wedding anniversary at the Four Seasons, my husband informed me that he took a lucrative job with another company in Atlanta, so I should prepare to move there in a few months.

Immediately, with every cell in my body, I felt I should not follow him. No one could understand my refusal to move, not even me. Our marriage was not perfect (whose is?), but it was not bad either. I have recently opened my Manhattan Astrology School, but my income could not cover the rent. The country was in the middle of recession, so getting any job to support me was a dim prospect. I was so scared to stay in New York on my own, that I could not sleep at night. My husband, my mother-in-law, and everyone I knew urged me to follow my husband. Yet my feeling that I should stay put was stronger than any reasoning and even my own fears. So I stayed.

Somehow, everything turned out to be just fine. I found a cheaper  apartment, which I could afford on my own, my school was becoming more and more popular, and I went on to enjoy the best 9 years of my life (so far).

I realized that my karma with my husband dissolved the minute I have forgiven both of us.

All circumstances in our lives are held together by the thread of Karma. When the thread disappears, so must the circumstances it supports.

Interestingly though, my solar return for that year clearly showed my marriage going bust (Pluto right on the ascendant) and financial fears due to sudden confusion in my home and family matters (Neptune, as the ruler of the solar return chart’s fourth house, conjunct Uranus and north node in my second house of finances).

What came first, my spiritual experiences or astrological necessity?

About 2 years later, O.J. was arrested in connection with the murder of his wife, and my students wanted to delienate his natal chart.  I looked at it and saw that O.J. was to enjoy his golden years, which he was approaching fast. “He cannot be convicted”, I said.

All that year, as my students were studying future forecasting techniques and horary astrology, we were examining O.J.’s charts. That’s how we knew before anyone else that he was guilty, but he would go free, and when that would happen – and then we watched the process to unfold.

A year or 2 later, my students and I were analyzing the natal chart of Princess Diana. The chart clearly spelled that she was to die a sudden violent death because of her fame and status. A year or so later, she died just as her chart said she would.

Through the years, many of my first time clients wondered if I was psychic (which I am not) – so accurately I was describing their lives.

How could it be so pre-determined? When and where does our free will comes into the picture, or do we have free will at all? The more I learned astrology, the spookier it was becoming.

Then, not so long ago, there was an incident in my life that may have had shed light on this mystery:

My second husband asked me to accompany him on a short business trip to Brooklyn. The trip would have taken a few hours at the most. I agreed and asked my mother to look after our 3 y.o. son while we were out.

When my mother came over, I suddenly had a de-ja vu experience, accompanied by a vague premonition and a strong feeling that I should stay home. I voiced my wish to stay, but both, my husband and my mother insisted on me going to Brooklyn. So I did.

On the way back home, my husband and I found out that our son had a terrible  accident and lost the tip of his finger.

I am certain that if I listened to my feeling of needing to stay home, it would not have happened. I am also certain that somehow I knew before hand about possibility of this accident, and I recognized the circumstances leading to the accident: hence the de-ja vu experience. Somehow, somewhere my soul saw the future and knew it could be averted. In other words, there were 2 or more different futures to choose from!

While planetary transits showed that my son was in danger of an accident, there were no other strong astrological confirmations. Just as piling up sandbags on the bank of a rising river may prevent the flood, taking necessary precautions during bad astrological “weather” could have save us the grief. My only excuse for not doing my job as an astrologer for my own family is that with a young child on my hands and a business to take care of, I hardly had time to take a shower then, and astrological forecasting was the last on my mind.

Not all astrological occurences are temporary and avoidable. I came to the firm belief that somehow we all must live out the stories told by our astrological charts, even if we manage to dissolve some of our karmas. Now that I’ve learned Vedic astrology also, I know that the planetary positions at the time and place of my birth required for me to have 2 marriages in this life-time, so my first marriage had to dissolve somehow. Dissolving a karma with it was simply a blessing that came along.

If my son’s maiming was dictated by karma, his natal chart would have showed it, and his accident would not have been avoidable, so the feeling that I should stay home with him would have been useless and would not have come. But his chart does not show it, so his finger grew back and is now perfectly normal. We were simply caught in astrological “bad weather” without “an umbrella”.

So we can change our future, as long as the life story written in our natal chart does not change radically. We always have a number of possibilities within our life stories to choose from.

The possibilities are not limitless, however. Our life stories unfold according to the plot which is, literally, written in the stars. The picture of the sky above the place of birth at the time of birth is the plot. Not only it tells us what a particular life is about, it also contains the timing of major occurences, which can be read through astrological forecasting techniques.

Our personal Karma wrote the plot by choosing our parents and the time and place of birth, and then it filled the story line with major and supporting characters.

But we can change props, decorations and even whole scenes, as we play out our life stories. We can change the flavor of the life story into melodrama, comedy or tragedy, as we develop the central characters of our life stories – our selves.

So O.J. did not have to play Otello. He could have weathered the temporary storm of his life in some other way. He still would have spent a great deal of that year either in jail or in a hospital, his relationship problems of that time would have left him emotionally jarred, etc.. But he could have changed the main scene of his life story at its core.

On the other hand, Princess Di would still have died in a sudden violent manner, as her Pluto – Uranus – Mars – North Node conjunction  in the 8th house (the sudden explosion of violence brought on by other people) was opposing the Moon in the 2nd house (her body).  With Pluto being the ruler of her 11th house of recognition, fame would be the most likely culprit. But the circumstances of her death might have been different.

The scripts of our lives are not written word per word. They do not describe our actions. They only describe the general direction of where we are going and what we are most likely to see on the way, like a tourist guide.

In fact, we are like tourists in a country of life. We have our itineraries that we cannot easily change (but it is also possible – God creates the world anew each moment). We also have certain tourist attractions marked as “must see” on the tour. But we still may skip some of them and choose other “attractions” to visit instead. We cannot choose a different country (i.e. a life), once we subscribed for the tour, and we should not quit on a whim (i.e. commit suicide).

Over the years, as more of my other past lives were coming into the view of my present consciousness, I became a certified hypnotherapist and regressed many other people into their past lives. I have seen Karma in action, and that, coupled with my experience as an astrologer, gave me a good overview on Maya mechanics. One of the spiritual laws I have learned dictates that people who commit suicide are to have the following life much harsher than the one they quit.

So don’t be a quitter. If it rains astrologicals stones, find cover and work on your spiritual abilities to change the scene you dislike. In fact, there is no better time to turn on the Divine Light in your life then when the circumstances darken. As one of my clients once said to me, when I was predicting tough times ahead for her, “I love tough times. They are times of spiritual renewal.”

According to Swami Sri Yukteswar, the guru of much more famous Paramahansa Yogonanda, we are now living at the very dawn of Dwapara Yuga. In the next millenium, we are to acquire enough of spiritual light in our lives to banish the very idea of total darkeness. Meanwhile, however, we can still acquire “Grace credits” with the ease of “Kali Yuga residents”, as many of us were born right on the cusp of times.So we are very lucky “life tourists” indeed.

What that means is that the present life is crucial to our spiritual development, and we need to let as much of spiritual life into our lives as possible. This means that mankind may experience some astrological rain of stones, so we forced to turn on the Divine Light.

I believe that such rain is coming next year, with 2010 being the toughest, and I plan to explore this “rain of stones” in my next article.

She was a sister, an aunt and a friend

She always took time to care, to bother -

Since she did not know where Love ends.

And how it happened, no one really knows -

But she found herself carrying the world.

She stepped really slow, she bent really low

Under the weight of her load.

God looked, and he saw: her shoulders were tiny!

And he asked, “Why are you carrying this?”

“I’m afraid it’d fall and break like china.

Would you strengthen my shoulders and knees?”

“My darling, I think, I would rather

Help you carry the world instead. I’m like you:

I am the Mother, the Father, the Brother,

And I know what Love can do.”

And so He did. And, with Her smile found,

She brightened and asked, “Where are we going, God?”

“I don’t know – Love is so round.

But don’t worry, I will be your guide.”

…

So off they went. And, while the Sun still shone,

God said, “I’ve taught all my children the same:

‘Love one another’. I wrote it in stone.

But they continue to kill and mame

each other – all in my name!”

She sighted, “I know, my dear, I know..

But you’ve got to keep faith. They will grow.

They will mature, and help us along.

It’s not easy sometimes to see right from wrong.

Love is round. It always come back to the Heart,

From which It came forth. But the journey is hard.”

“My children are crying. They scream, ‘Drop the World!

Let’s pieces fall where they may!’

Life is round. A sword would come back to a sword.

Blood and tears are staining the way.”

“If you drop it, then I will fall to my knees

And collect it all back, piece by piece, piece by piece!

I’ll be stitching it back for as long as I breathe!

Every leaf, every blade, every petal and bug,

Every smile, every tear – I’d put it right back!”

“I know, my darling,” He sighted and smiled,

“That’s why I still carry it mile after mile.”

So they kept on going: age after age, page after page

And the Sun still shone.

.2.

They carried the world mile after mile,

Tear after tear, and smile after smile

For a very long while.

She bathed, fed and clothed the world,

She healed its wounds and soothed its pain

Through sleed and snow, and rain.

And the world grew. And she grew old.

And one of those days, she turns to God and says,

“I am tired. I want to go to Heaven.”

God was taken aback: “But you’re there, my lady!

I’ve been with you every step of the way!

I was giving you water, food and clothes each day.

Over clouds, I strewed silver lining.

I lit the stars, and kept the Sun shining.

And I kissed all your tears away.

Heaven is where Love finds its way.”

Now it was Her turn to be shocked:

“If Heaven’s that hard, then what is Hell?!”

God sighted, and all went dark.

And the world fell.

She tried to break its fall but missed.

She fell too, and was badly hurt.

All around Her lay what was left of the world:

a screaming piece, a silent piece, a crying piece…

She blamed God, but He was not around to bear shame.

The Darkness around remained the same.

In this crying darkness, she lay – all alone,

Waiting for life to end.

And she thought of the times when the Sun still shone,

And God was Her very best Friend.

She imagined Him near, oh, so dear,

And she quietly moaned:

“Now I know what Hell is.

Get me out, God! Help! Please!”

…

Right away she saw a sliver of light,

And She knew that all was to be alright.

…

God was back. He hugged her and kissed.

“Where were you,” He said, “You were sorely missed!

Please, my love, don’t do that again!

When you think I am gone, I shut out in pain.

Tears cover my eyes like terrestial rain

And, becoming virtually blind,

I cann’t find you until you scream in your mind!”

She looked in His eyes, and she knew it was true.

“I promise,” She said, “to be always with you!

Every thought, every moment, every step of the way!”

He brightened: “My child, let’s go and play!”

…

Suddenly feeling light like a bug,

She gave God a smooch and a hug,

She laughed, and she ran

Playing catch with the Sun

Together with God, her very best Friend,

Through flowery meadows, wind in Her hair,

And a shiny new world at the palm of her hand.

The Not End